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Thursday, October 2, 2003

The Rev. Garrison Keillor?

It's the fantasy of more than a few Unitarian Universalists — charmed by the knowing Prairie Home Companion jokes about us — that Garrison Keillor would be, could be, should be a UU. Lo and behold, this bit of correspondence on the Prairie Home Companion Post to the Host page:

Dear Garrison,
I'm a member of a Unitarian church located in a soybean field a few miles north of Bowling Green, Ohio. Even though we're lay-led, some of the members would like to hire a minister.

If this radio thing doesn't work out, would you be interested?

Steve Israel
Maumee Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation
Bowling Green, Ohio

I am honored to be considered, even if you're joking, but I wouldn't fit in. Beneath this cool tolerant exterior beats the heart of an old reactionary and pulpit-pounder and if you ever put me in front of Unitarians with a microphone, I'd be hollering about man's inherent sinfulness and unworthiness and singing "Are You Washed In the Blood". I'd be roaming the aisles, poking people, baying like a dog. It wouldn't be a pretty sight. The radio thing isn't working out, as a matter of fact, and probably in a few weeks I'll be unemployed, but I would be a piss-pour minister. Trust me on this.

Okay, we'll negotiate: What if we added "Are You Washed in the Blood" to our hymnal? We could asterisk "blood" and suggest that people substitute "bath" as their personal theologies required — you know, like we did by offering "soul" instead of "wretch" in "Amazing Grace"!

Copyright © 2003 by Philocrites | Posted 2 October 2003 at 5:05 PM

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Scott Wells:

October 2, 2003 05:36 PM | Permalink for this comment

... bath of the Lamb? I've heard several Unitarian Universalists categorically state that we don't baptize which, of course, is wrong, but that won't stop people from complaining.


October 6, 2003 03:17 PM | Permalink for this comment

That's exactly what the hymnal needs: more blood hymns!

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