Philocrites

The Rev. Garrison Keillor?

by Philocrites

It's the fantasy of more than a few Unitarian Universalists — charmed by the knowing Prairie Home Companion jokes about us — that Garrison Keillor would be, could be, should be a UU. Lo and behold, this bit of correspondence on the Prairie Home Companion Post to the Host page:

Dear Garrison,
I'm a member of a Unitarian church located in a soybean field a few miles north of Bowling Green, Ohio. Even though we're lay-led, some of the members would like to hire a minister.

If this radio thing doesn't work out, would you be interested?

Steve Israel
Maumee Valley Unitarian Universalist Congregation
Bowling Green, Ohio

Steve,
I am honored to be considered, even if you're joking, but I wouldn't fit in. Beneath this cool tolerant exterior beats the heart of an old reactionary and pulpit-pounder and if you ever put me in front of Unitarians with a microphone, I'd be hollering about man's inherent sinfulness and unworthiness and singing "Are You Washed In the Blood". I'd be roaming the aisles, poking people, baying like a dog. It wouldn't be a pretty sight. The radio thing isn't working out, as a matter of fact, and probably in a few weeks I'll be unemployed, but I would be a piss-pour minister. Trust me on this.

Okay, we'll negotiate: What if we added "Are You Washed in the Blood" to our hymnal? We could asterisk "blood" and suggest that people substitute "bath" as their personal theologies required — you know, like we did by offering "soul" instead of "wretch" in "Amazing Grace"!

Copyright © 2003 by Philocrites | Posted 2 October 2003 at 5:05 PM

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