Coffee Hour

Rick Heller says:

In 1995, I went to a UU retreat. Several of us wrote up a comedy skit about Unitarian missionaries going door to door. Here it is:

http://www.sff.net/people/rickheller/docs/Unitarian.htm

Paul Wilczynski says:

You can find lots of Unitarian humor by searching Google for "Unitarian humor" (I used the quotes.)

ChaliceChick says:

I really like:

What do you get when you cross a UU and a Jehovah's Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door to ask you what you believe.

CC

Chris Walton says:

Paul, when you do the Google search, which jokes make you laugh the most?

Chris Walton says:

Something ChaliceChick said in an old Beliefnet conversation about UU jokes really amused me:

Arguing with a Unitarian Universalist is like mud wrestling a pig. Pretty soon you realize the pig likes it.

And I thought this was funny, too:

You might be a UU if . . .

• you have ever been in an argument over whether or not breast milk is vegan.
  
• when you dress for a formal evening out you wear a little black dress, pearls--and Birkenstocks (and your wife thinks you look great!)
  
• you are unsure about the gender of God.
  
• you own six pairs of Birkenstocks and your favorite pair needs to be thrown away.
  
• you get Newt Gingrich confused with the Grinch who Stole Christmas.
  
• the money you sent to the Sierra Club last year was more than you spent on your mother at Christmas.
  
• you think the Holy Trinity is "reduce, reuse and recycle."
  
• you study the "ten suggestions" instead of the "Ten Commandments."
  
• the only time "Jesus" is mentioned at church is when someone trips or stubs a toe.
  
• your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."
  
• You think a Holy day of Obligation is your turn to do coffee.
  
• You get mail from committees you didn't know you were on.
  
• You know at least two people who are upset that trees had to die for your church to be built.

RevThom says:

There is a dyad of UU jokes that I've always thought amusing. One, I'll admit, is anti-Christian but I still think it is funny.

A UU from New England has out of town relatives visiting and takes the relatives past the town green where the traditional First Parish meetinghouse stands. One of the relatives remarks, "Why do you have a weathervane on top of the steeple instead of a cross?" The UU replies, "Well, how's a cross supposed to give you any sense of direction?"

The second joke is the exact same lead-in, but with the punchline, "Our church goes pretty much wherever the wind is blowing."

That said, I am not a fan of most UU jokes... I believe contrary to the Jehovah's Witness/Mormon joke that we do actually have something to say. I don't believe we go wherever the wind happens to be blowing.

RevThom says:

OK, one more... (when telling, you can elaborate)

An eccentric man purchases an expensive Lamborghini sports car and decides that such a fine car should be given a religious blessing. The guy drives around town. First he stops at a Catholic church and asks the priest to bless his Lamborghini but the priest asks, "What's a Lamborghini?" Same response from the rabbi at the synagogue and from other religious leaders at their respective houses of worship. Finally, in a last ditch effort, the man pulls into the driveway of the UU church, where he chances upon the UU minister exiting from her car. "Nice Lamborghini!" the UU minister exclaims. "Thanks," says the man, "I was hoping you might give it a blessing." The UU minister replies, "What's a blessing?"

Mark Brooks says:

Two people are talking about church, and one tells the other that he's a Unitarian Universalist.

"Oh, what do they believe?"

"Well, we're not sure we believe in God, but we are CONVINCED that God believes in us!"

Barbara Preuninger says:

I *love* UU jokes! How about this one?

--------------------------------------------
Conversation overheard:

Person A (Mainstream Protestant Denomination): I hear that you allow all sorts of weirdos in your church. Atheists, Buddhists, Pagans...

Person B (Unitarian Universalist): We allow Christians too -- we're very open minded!.

----------------------------------------------

Jokes like these are my primary way of explaining UU to people who aren't familiar with it (or who are familiar with it, but have negative views). Even the ones that make UU seem silly are fun.

BTW, this one is absolutely true of me: "you are unsure about the gender of God".

Chalicechick says:

I didn't mean the UU knocks on your door to ask you what you believe because he needs something to believe.

I meant that for other faiths, religious discussion is essentially a monologue.

In UUism at its best, relgious discussion really is religious discussion.

CC

Mechaieh says:

I'm rather fond of the one where a massive fire breaks out along Church Row and the heads of each congregation rush into their buildings, with just enough time to rescue the one item most sacred to them -- the rabbis grab their Torah scrolls, the Christian pastors their crucifixes, etc.

The UUs emerge from their building with their conference table.

Steve Caldwell says:

On 5 August 2004, Chris wrote:
"You might be a UU if . . .

'your child says to you before eating dinner at a friend's house "I'll remember to say my 'pleases' and 'thank yous' but I'm not going to say that dinner 'pledge of alliegance'."

Chris,

Back in 1992, when my 16 year old daughter was 4 1/2, she said the "dinner pledge of alliegance" line to us before we sent her to have dinner with the neighbors while we attended Lamaze class.

Either a lot of UU kids are saying the same thing or this joke started with my daughter in 1992.

Take care,
Steve

Joanna Crawford says:

Always room for humor! Valuable tool. On the first anniversary of 9/11, we had an extremely powerful group service, all scripted, almost play-like, dealing with different aspects of 9/11. There were many tears flowing, but we also had humor, in the form of a reading from "The Onion" in which God says what part of do not kill don't you people understand? It was bitter humor, and it worked.

Personally, I was just reminded of the "always room for humor" idea. One of our cats died, and it was up to me to tell the children. Our 5 year old daughter was really having a hard time, and not really understanding "death." I explained that her "soul" was gone, the thing that made her walk and meow and be alive. "So when Daddy brings her back from the vet, he's just bringing her body."

Sorrowfully, she asked, "But not her head?"

Later in the evening, when I explained about the kitty's "funeral" and burying her, she thought about it for awhile and then said, "and when I miss her, I'll get Daddy to dig her up for me." Had to actually bury my face in my hands at that one, so she couldn't see me holding back the laugh. My heart was hurting, too, but there was definitely the need for some levity.

RevThom says:

Mechaieh - I've heard the joke about the fire along church row many times, only in the version I've heard, the UU ministers always rescue the coffeemaker.

I thought of another one. Upon passing through the pearly gates, there are two signs with arrows: One arrow points towards heaven. The second arrow points to "Discussion about heaven". UU's always pick the latter.

chutney says:

Posted my favorite one here: http://www.myirony.com/index.php?p=476

Hank says:

A refined older woman walks into a print shop and asks the man if she could have some buisness cards made up. "Sure what that would be easy, what would you like printed on it? She opens her purse and hands that man a slip of paper, on which is written F U C K M E 207-393-1000. the printer is taken aback, "I can't ptint this I'ld be run out of town, I would have expected more from a woman of your standing!" She too is shocked, but by his responce and while leaving his shop says "the members of the First Unitarian Church of Kennibunk, ME will hear about this!"

Matthew Gatheringwater says:

I had to check: There really is a Unitarian Church in Kennebunk, ME! They avoid unfortunate acronyms, however, by being First Parish Unitarian Universalist Church of Kennebunk.

This puts me in mind, however of one of my favorite UU acronymns, a UU S&M group (I discovered entirely by accident) calling itself OUUCH -- that's Organized UUs for Consenting Hierarchy! It is apparently an outgrowth of the UU Polyamorous community and currently boasts 59 members, so we should expect to see a public statement from Rebecca Parker about it any time now. Stay tuned for a workshop at next year's GA and a companion volume to the OWL curriculum (with an extended lesson on Sadism and a reference guide to handy knots).

ChaliceChick says:

59 Members?

Ok. I'll join. If nine more of y'all will join, too, then that group will be even MORE fun to describe.

CC

Chris Walton says:

That's a lot of Kennebunkbeds.

Matthew Gatheringwater says:

It has been brought to my attention that my previous comment is disrespectful to the BDSM community and that my mention of Rebecca Parker may in fact be in violation of the UUMA’s Code of Professional Practice. Therefore, I would like to make the following statement:

Lighten up!

People, sex is funny to begin with. When you add whips, chains, and fancy dress, it becomes even funnier. Now, we’ve got UUs that want to add religion to the mix: hilarious. I will listen to sermons about Sadomasochism and Ministry or Why the Seven Principles Support Polyamory, but I can’t promise not to laugh. And if they won’t let me be a laughing minister...then I don’t want to be one.

The best part of being a UU is that we get to eat our sacred cows! Anyone who thinks a program or proponent of Unitarian Universalism is beyond criticism or humor needs very much to develop a broader sense of perspective.

Rivka says:

Two UU jokes I've always liked:

"Unitarian-Universalist Bible study will be held after the service today, in the Parish Hall. Please bring your own Bible and a pair of scissors."

And:

Q: What do you call the corpse at a UU funeral?
A: All dressed up with no place to go.

Barbara Preuninger says:

I think the phrase "Lighten Up" should really only ever be said to oneself or one's own group. If people are willing to laugh at themselves about things *they* find important, that's one thing. But it's not fair to laugh at things *others* find important and then, to add insult to injury, expect the people you've just ridiculed to laugh also. "Lighten Up" can be a really cruel thing to say, depending on context. Would you feel good about, say, some conservative commentator making jokes about how silly UU weddings are between gay folks? It's about sex, right, which is funny, especially when it involves the same gender?

It might seem ironic, but I would defend the BDSM group and/or polyamory group for the same reason I would defend minority conservative opinions. I don't wish my exposure to other ideas to be closed off by UU's opinion of what's reasonable and what's "laughable".

That being said, I love the "bring your Bible & a pair of scissors" joke. Why? Because it's SO true of *me*!! (As a teenager, I used a marker to cross out passages I found offensive; and I wasn't even technically a UU yet!)

Matthew Gatheringwater says:

Barbara,

I like your rule of thumb, but I have to wonder what we will have left to laugh about once we eliminate the possibility of giving offense to every community of interest.

I think OUUCH (the UU S&M group) is funny because it is a clever acronym, but I also think it is funny because it is an example of how UUs will form a church group for just about anything—even when it has very little connection with our shared religious lives. And I think it is funny because sex is an intimate act and it is hard for me to imagine what kind of people require a support group to enjoy it. You may wish to defend people who like to spatter each other with hot wax, but I don't think my amusement exactly constitutes an attack. Nor do I think acceptance for a particular flavor of sex is a particularly pressing social justice issue. (What next? "Power to Plushies?") It is not, as in the case of gay marriage, a question of civil rights. Furthermore, I think most gay folk would say that gay marriage is about a lot more than just sex. It is harder to make the same argument for S&M.

There is another element of humor: the absurdity of applying to BDSM the response that UU polyamorists have already received. Rebecca Parker really did make a public statement about polyamory. We really did have a polyamory workshop at last year's GA. (Not to mention "Polyamory for Beginners" at this year's SUUSI.) Some polyamorists really do want to expand coverage of their practice in the OWL curriculum. (Or create a program, like the Welcoming Congregation program, to designate UU congregations as officially "welcoming" to polyamorists. Or even to make polyamory a Study/Action issue at a future GA.)

From my perspective, the funniest thing is that we are actually taking this seriously. Oh! to live in less censorious times...

Will Shetterly says:

I have to agree with Matthew. If you want to dress up like a rabbit and have wild bunny sex with other lepusexuals, that's your business. But if you walk down the street wearing rabbit ears, I get to laugh.

And with a name like "Ouuch," I'm sure most of its members know that.

Polyamory's different, because the movement isn't just about sexual practices; it's about civil unions. It's not for me, but it seems to work for friends of mine. The idea of a social action group of UU polyamorists, muslims, and conservative mormons is a bit boggling, but I wouldn't be surprised to hear it already exists.

Barbara Preuninger says:

Matthew says: "what we will have left to laugh about once we eliminate the possibility of giving offense to every community of interest?"

There are two answers to that question.

First, if you (generic you) want to make UU a place filled with laughter, the least effective way to accomplish this is to tell people to lighten up about things they care deeply about, but you think are stupid. A better strategy, IMHO, is to "be a sport" about the things *you* care deeply about.

We live in a world where "far out" ideas already get a lot of ridicule, and, let's face it, a lot of "far out" people come to UU as a safe haven. Plenty of people outside of UU (and some within?) think that homosexuality is weird and have no qualms about ridiculing it, and/or think it's "just about sex". This is what I meant in my "conservative commentator" example.

Second, humor is not defined only by putting others down. There's also the "surprize" aspect (otherwise, what is it exactly that babies are laughing about?). Will's comment had some "surprize" humor in addition to a general poke at UU: "a social action group of UU polyamorists, muslims, and conservative mormons..." (How about a group of fiscally conservative vegan Gnostics? or Zen Buddist moms in support of the second ammendment? or agnostic pro-life feminist OWL teachers? Oh, forget that last one... that's just ridiculous!)

And then there's "grain of truth" humor:

A woman visits a UU church for the first time with a friend. During the sermon, she becomes increasingly agitated by what she's hearing. Afterwards, she says to her friend, "I can hardly believe a word the minister said!" Her friend says "Wonderful! Sounds like you fit in already!"

Another "grain of truth" one that I like:

Q: What's another way to describe a Unitarian Universalist?
A: An agnostic with kids.

And of course, the "kids are so cute" humor:

(true story) My 5-yo daughter and I recently visited Murray Grove and she became fascinated with the story of John Murray and how he landed on the beach and the chapel he built (the original only has the bell left). On the last day we were there, we had a little service in the chapel. She saw the picture at the front and pointed to it while whispering to me, "Mommy, there's *John Murray*!" Actually, it was a picture of Jesus... :o) :o)

In conclusion (yes, I really am almost done...), I don't think my jokes were offensive to anyone,
but if they were I promise I will NOT reply "get over it already!"

Matthew Gatheringwater says:

Barbara,

I've got to hand it to you: you aren't just critical, you offer a constructive perspective--not to mention some funny jokes. I'll think about what you have written.

Joanna Crawford says:

"Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused."
~Author unknown~

I think a lot of it is balance. Seems like some of the most popular comedians are those about whom it is said, "He/she makes fun of everyone!"

We've had several humor services at our church, and included male/female, young/old, parents/kids, etc. jokes. And oh, yes, political ones. When I've put these together, I've had two criteria: 1) nothing mean-spirited and 2) "Equal time" -- a joke about men is followed by a joke about women.

Oh yes, actually three criteria: 3) funny!

Here's some fun ones. Our first humor service was the last presidential election year. We had so much fun with that service, because we had humor start to finish. Caught a lot of folks off-guard.

Announcement:
Due to an anticipated voter turnout much larger than originally expected, the polling facilities may not be able to handle the load all at once. Therefore, Democrats are requested to vote on Tuesday, November 7, and Republicans on Wednesday, November 8.

Please pass this message along and help us assure that nobody gets left out.

Sincerely,
2000 Presidential Election Commission

---
Meditation (done by a very sweet, straight-faced gentleman from our meditation covenant group:

Let's all get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes

Take a few deep breaths. In, out, in, out, in out.

Picture yourself near a stream. Birds are softly chirping in the crisp cool mountain air. Nothing can bother you here. No one knows this secret place. You are in total seclusion from that place called "the world. And all its stress.

The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a
cascade of serenity. The water is clear. You can easily make out the face of the person whose head you're holding under the water. Look. It's the person who caused you all this stress in the first place.

What a pleasant surprise. You let him up... just for a quick breath... then ploop!... back under...

You allow yourself as many deep breathes as you want.

There now... feeling better?

Take a few more deep breathes and slowly return to Northwest Community UU Church.

chutney says:

I was going to link a New Yorker profile of comedian Don Rickles--and how his equal opportunity offensiveness ended up promoting anti-racism--but they don't have it up on their site.

Hockey pucks!

Jaume says:

OK, I think this one is new for many people. Told in a European UU gathering by a Transylvanian minister:

What do Count Dracula and Unitarians have in common?
Answer: Two things

1) Both were born in Transylvania
2) Both step back in terror when they see a cross
;-)

Chalicechick says:

Can't BELIEVE I forgot this one! AS far as I know, I made it up...

My friend and I were telling stupid jokes we'd liked when we were kids, and he told one about UUs (don't remember it.)

My next joke was "How do you get a bunch of Canadians out of a swimming pool?"

Answer (said in soft and VERY polite voice): "Excuse me, could everyone please get out of the pool?"

So he says, "Gee, I wonder how you get a bunch of Unitarians out of a swimming pool?"

and without hesistation, I said "Start Baptizing!"

We chuckled. I was proud of myself.

CC

chutney says:

Joking about horrible things by Joi Ito.

Ani Peterson says:

Haven't laughed so much in a long time, as a former Fundamentalist and Roman Catholic and as a current UU, I a relieved to have a religion that has something to laugh about.

Will Shetterly says:

Got this from Sojourners: On The Simpsons, Bart and the Flanders kids play a video game called "Billy Graham's Bible Blasters" Rod: "Convert the heathen!" Bart: "Got 'em!" Tod: "No, you just winged him and made him a Unitarian."

John Cullinan says:

Love the Lamborghini joke above. When I was still Catholic and attending a Jesuit university, the same joke applied, replaced with "Dominicans", "Franciscans", and finally "Jesuits", respectively. My Dad and my former pastor both still laugh at that one.

brian says:

Have you heard of the Pentecostal Unitarians?
They debate social issues in tongues.

chutney says:

Brian,
I think I have a new favorite now!

Barbara Preuninger says:

This could be in either the "new name" discussion or in the "joke" discussion, but it probably fits the joke one better.

I'm teaching 8th grade RE this year with a curriculum called "Heresy Apparent". It occured to me that maybe we should change the name of UU to "Unitarian Universalist Heretic Heathens". Then, when people ask what religion you are, you can say "Uuhh..." :o) :o)

Valerie White says:

I'm a long-time UU, presently president of my congregation, Unitarian Church of Sharon, MA, and formerly a CLF board member. I was the first president of UU's for Polyamory Awareness. I've lived in a triad for ten years. Polyamory is a lifestyle which is not going away. It is ethical and responsible and fully congruent with the UU principles. It is not a fly-by-night ridiculous movement which should be derided. However, it IS also funny. First Parish in Weymouth used to have a sign out front: "Unitarian Universalism: the religion to have when you're having more than one." To which I reply, "Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness", the affiliation to have if you're having more than one . . partner."

My favorite UU joke: Little girl walking down the street with basket of kittens. Priest says, "what cute kittens. What kind are they?"

"Catholic kittens, father."

The next week, same girl, same kittens, same priest, this time accompanied by the bishop. "Oh, this is really cute, your emminence. Get a load of this. Hello, little girl. Why don't you tell his emminence what kind of kittens you have?"

"They're UU kittens, your emminence."

"WHAT! Last week you told me they were Catholic kittens."

"Yes, father, but now their eyes are open."

Also, middle aged woman goes into fabric shop, picks out some black chiffon. Asks for 50 yards. Clerk, measuring frantically, "What are you making?" "A negligee." "Well, I can certainly see black chiffon for a negligee, but why 50 yards?" "My husband is a UU and he likes the search . . . "